I can’t tell you it’s been a good year, but I also can’t tell you it’s been a bad year. There were good things, there were bad things and there were also ugly things. So, all I can say is that it’s been a year.
The Good
At the end of 2022, I quit my job with a plan to be off for three months, but that was not God’s plan. His plan was for me to be off the whole year, and I’m still unemployed as we head into 2024. You’re probably saying, “Carrie, isn’t that a bad thing?” Well, it did have its downsides, and I’ll get to that later. Let’s talk about the upsides first. The first was the relief I got from the stress and burnout caused by my job. The second was finally having time to take care of myself and do things I couldn’t do before. Things like going on an eight-day mission trip in July and traveling up to Oregon for Christmas. I also started a craft business, a YouTube channel, and opened an Etsy shop. All good things, but the best thing was having the time to work on my relationship with God. I went on a women’s retreat, joined the women’s fellowship group at my church, volunteered my time to help out, and was able to stay after mass to enjoy fellowship with others. All of which grew my faith. Let’s say the good was really good.
The Bad
Now the downsides. One was the loss of my health benefits. While I didn’t have trouble getting coverage through the state, I did have other problems. They assigned me to a medical group no longer accepting new patients and I had trouble getting the psychiatric help I needed. The other, and most obvious downside is the loss of income. I had built up a substantial savings account to live on, cut out things I didn’t need, like Disney Plus, and put myself on a budget. However, as much planning as I did for my finances, I still wasn’t prepared for the unforeseen dental expenses. Two crowns and one root canal set me back over $2000. That, on top of business expenses, because you have to spend money to make it, has me starting the new year in debt.
The Ugly
The ugly isn’t what you think. It wasn’t the bad getting worse it was the nights I spent crying, the moments I yelled at God, and days I felt like dying was the only way out of the pain. I’m talking about a midlife crisis, and I didn’t just glide into it, no, I crashed in head first. If you have been to my blog before then you know I have emotional baggage. Well, it all exploded open after I turned 45, and the pain of my singleness, childlessness, and abuse came flooding out. I have been fighting a battle all year, sometimes with God, sometimes with the enemy, and other times with myself. It felt like every time I picked myself back up I immediately fell back down. All of this has left me emotionally exhausted.
Taking and Leaving
As I prepare to enter into 2024 I’ve decided to leave a few things behind in 2023. I am not taking my fear, in fact as I type this I can already feel a shift in my emotions. I’m not taking all the “what ifs” with me either. I can feel that this coming year it’s not going to be “what if” it’s going to be “when”. I am taking my love for God and the relationship I built with him, as well as my passion for crafting which I used to build my business. I’m sure there will be some bumps in the road ahead, but it’s going to be a whole lot smoother than the road I traveled on last year. Happy New Year, and I pray the road ahead of you is smoother than the road behind you.
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Love and Blessings, Carrie